Trance
by Rose Thorne
Summary: Xellos wonders about the way Zelgadis affects him while spying on him playing the guitar. Xellos/Zelgadis.


**Trance**

by Rose Thorne

Disclaimer: _Slayers_ is owned by a bunch of folks who aren't me. I'm borrowing them for my perverse pleasure, much as Xellos borrows emotions for his.

* * *

Although the music itself was lovely, Xellos' attention was drawn first to his hands. Zelgadis' fingers moved on the strings in almost a caress, so gently he was almost not touching them.

He knew there was a non-sensual reason for it—the shaman had likely destroyed instruments accidentally with his strength and the texture of his skin—but he chose to believe that Zelgadis was simply caught up in the music, that on some level making it was erotic. It certainly felt that way to Xellos.

It helped that the chimera seemed lost in the music, a rare look of near-rapture gracing his face.

Zelgadis had always made Xellos feel odd, but moments like this made it difficult to resist that strangeness. It was a feeling he could identify, and that was the problem—he wasn't supposed to feel _tenderness_ or the urge to protect something other than his master. These feelings, the desire not to destroy, but to…

There weren't words to describe what he wanted, not words that were acceptable, not concepts that should ever occur naturally in the mind of any Mazoku, much less one of Xellos' stature. He was the Beastmaster's Priest-General. This was beneath him.

But Xellos couldn't deny to himself that he couldn't summon the desire to destroy, the bloodlust, toward Zelgadis, especially now with those nimble fingers producing such a gentle, melancholic melody.

It produced an entirely different kind of lust, one that insisted that he sooth away the loneliness that he had felt all too often in the chimera, that he knew was inspiring the music. Even traveling with the dragon and the others, it was there, and coupled with the music it inspired in Xellos an insane desire to somehow fill that emptiness.

He was still trying to control himself when Zelgadis began to sing softly, his voice deep and sensuous.

For a moment, Xellos felt lost, as though his world had shattered or shifted and he had lost his bearings completely. All that was there to guide him was the gentle strum of the guitar and Zelgadis' voice, like a beacon in the dark.

Then the strumming stopped with a discordant thrum, and the singing abruptly cut off.

It took Xellos a moment to realize that he had allowed himself, or been drawn, to manifest on the physical plane. He was surprised at himself, at his lack of control, and fought to regain his senses. By the time he had succeeded, the guitar had fallen to the floor with a damaging-sounding clatter as Zelgadis bolted from his seat on the bed and scrambled for his sword.

The gentle melancholy in the chimera's mood had disappeared, replaced by a medley of confusion, alarm, anger, and… fear.

That fear, Zelgadis' fear of _him_, reminded Xellos of reality—no matter how much he might desire otherwise, the shaman would never feel anything beyond apprehension for him. That fear would always be between them, because of what Xellos was.

He should have been angry, should have been able to summon bloodlust; the spell Zelgadis somehow held over him should have been broken. But instead Xellos felt oddly bereft.

The Mazoku ignored the weapon Zelgadis had pointed at him and picked up the guitar, surveying the damage. A string had snapped, undoubtedly caused when his sudden appearance had startled the shaman, but the body had also cracked from the fall. He strummed the remaining strings and was disappointed to discover that the sound was ruined.

"Oh, dear," he murmured. "What a waste."

He could feel Zelgadis' disappointment as he too realized that the guitar was likely unsalvageable.

"I didn't realize you were musically-inclined, Zelgadis-san." Xellos looked at him, frowning just slightly as the chimera tensed as though readying for a fight. "I certainly didn't mean to startle you."

The miasma of Zelgadis' emotions settled on anger. "What the hell do you want, Xellos?"

There was quite a bit that he wanted, but those desires were permanently out of reach, and it was a bit painful to be reminded of his ridiculous impulses. Had Xellos the option, he would have avoided the chimera until the longing disappeared, but his mission involved following Lina and, as a result, Zelgadis.

He tried to school the features of his astral projection into something resembling amused distain. "Since you broke the guitar, I suppose nothing anymore."

Xellos had intended to sound flippant, but instead it came out vaguely disappointed. He had a momentary urge to destroy the guitar, to vaporize it in an intimidating show of power, but he was just as incapable of that as harming Zelgadis. Ruined or not, destroying the guitar felt wrong, and he knew it would only increase Zelgadis' fear of him.

He should have wanted the shaman to fear him, should have wanted to encourage that fear, not to relieve it. It was a failure of character, a failure as a Mazoku, to want that.

He ignored Zelgadis' surprise and gently set the guitar on the bed.

"What a shame," he whispered.

He wasn't sure anymore whether he was referring to the destruction of the guitar, Zelgadis' fear and his inability to relieve it and have what he wanted, or his failure as a Mazoku for wanting it. Perhaps everything.

Xellos stayed just long enough to taste a new medley of emotions from Zelgadis—confusion, curiosity, worry…that couldn't really be desire; only his own delusional wishful thinking—before he left the physical plane entirely.

* * *

Written for the SlayersAdult LJ community's Kinkfest prompt:

Zelgadis/Xelloss: music as an aphrodisiac - It wasn't a spell, but for some reason, hearing Zelgadis play the guitar and sing made Xelloss feel like being gentle

A friend mentioned she's shocked it doesn't have sex in it. Apparently that's mostly what I write anymore!


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